Lookin' for love in all the wrong places

I've told students time and time again that if they learn to use colons and semicolons correctly, they will seem more educated when they write.  Of course, use them incorrectly, and you wind up looking like a bumbling idiot:

The only thing that surprises me about this study is that no one proofread it before posting it on the internet.

Oh, wait.  That doesn't surprise me at all.  But that's because I'm a sex skinnier woman; nothing surprises us.