Apostrophe Apocalypse

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to type the word apocalypse?  I do.  Apostrophe is no walk in the park, either, I'll have you know.

Today's offenders are abusers of the apostrophe.  I've said this before in my column, but I simply cannot come to terms with how many people want to use -- and do use -- apostrophes in plurals that show no possession.  Honestly, I just don't get it.

Let's take a look at this first example, shall we?

You see? The person typing up this flyer was so confused that he or she just decided to go with the 50-50 split: "Well, I'm not sure whether or not I need these up-high comma doohickeys, so I'll just put one up here on WEDNESDAYS and one down here on Margaritas. That way, I'll have it right at least half of the time.  Yeah, that's the way to go.  At least then I won't look like I don't know what I'm doing."

Okay, so this person probably knew they are apostrophes and not flying commas, but seriously.  Remind me not to hit the OTB with this person.  I'm thinking he or she would put money on every horse in the race.  You know, just in case.

Moving right along, here's another sparkling example of the best of intentions gone grammatically awry.  I have to hand it to these folks, though: at least they had the courage to use the apostrophes incorrectly every time.

Now, just so that we're clear, an apostrophe with a non-possessive plural is very occassionally permitted.  If you have an abbreviation that uses lower-case letters each spoken individually such as tv, it is acceptable to use an apostrophe to avoid confusion.  I prefer to capitalize TV so that the plural TVs is clear without an apostrophe, but that's just me, and that's not possible with every lower-case abbreviation.

Still, that tiny exception seems to be the downfall of so many people who have no idea what is and is not an abbreviation. I'll grant you that semi is an abbreviated version of semitrailer or semifinal, but because it is so widely used, it has become its own word.  Besides that, one doesn't say, "I saw an s - e - m - i yesterday," so it in no way qualifies for the above exception.

And yet we have this:

I realize that the photo doesn't show the whole sign, but it's not a possessive.  Clearly confused, the same company has a sign at the other entrance:

Hmmmm.  No apostrophe.  All caps.  Well, all except for the lower-case s.  *sigh*

Welcome to Disasters in Grammar!

Hello, fellow grammar enthusiasts.  I have started this website because I really enjoy grammar, and I don't think it has to be something that only stodgy old grammarians can understand.  I also believe that grammar can be a lot of fun, and learning how to avoid mistakes doesn't have to be akin to watching paint dry.

My hope is that this website will provide all sorts of funny examples of how not to write and speak.  The aim is not to make anyone feel stupid; rather, the aim is to point out how easy it is to make grammatical mistakes and how easy it is to fix them.

Finally, I want to encourage anyone who reads this blog to send me photos, video, or audio of disasters in grammar they witness.  I'd like to be able to post something almost every day, but I'll need reader help and submissions to do so.  With that in mind, there are a few guidelines for submissions:

1. Any photos or other media you send me must either be your own, or you need to include where you found the disaster (website, photo of a friend, whatever). 

2. Submissions should be of printed or spoken material of a professional nature. In other words, please don't send me something you wrote simply for the purpose of submitting.  I'm looking for hilariously incorrect billboards, advertisements, headlines, publications, speeches, and so on.  I'm not looking for the average fifth-grader's text messages or letters from your great aunt Ida.  If someone paid to make it public, it probably meets this qualification.

3. Let me know where the picture or video was taken and what it is.  The more background information you can provide, the better.

4. Obscene submissions will not be posted.  The penis post is as vulgar as it gets with me, and I questioned posting even that.  If it's suggestive enough that you wouldn't want a middle school student to see it, think again. 

Now, don't you have something you would like to send to me?