Disasters in Grammar: Apostrophe Apocalypse

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to type the word apocalypse? I do. Apostrophe is no walk in the park, either, I'll have you know.

Today's offenders are abusers of the apostrophe. I've said this before in my column, but I simply cannot come to terms with how many people want to use -- and do use -- apostrophes in plurals that show no possession. Honestly, I just don't get it.

Let's take a look at this first example, shall we?

You see? The person typing up this flyer was so confused that he or she just decided to go with the 50-50 split: "Well, I'm not sure whether or not I need these up-high comma doohickeys, so I'll just put one up here on WEDNESDAYS and one down here on Margaritas. That way, I'll have it right at least half of the time. Yeah, that's the way to go. At least then I won't look like I don't know what I'm doing."

Okay, so this person probably knew they are apostrophes and not flying commas, but seriously. Remind me not to hit the OTB with this person. I'm thinking he or she would put money on every horse in the race. You know, just in case.

Moving right along, here's another sparkling example of the best of intentions gone grammatically awry. I have to hand it to these folks, though: at least they had the courage to use the apostrophes incorrectly every time.

Now, just so that we're clear, an apostrophe with a non-possessive plural is very occassionally permitted. If you have an abbreviation that uses lower-case letters each spoken individually such as tv, it is acceptable to use an apostrophe to avoid confusion. I prefer to capitalize TV so that the plural TVs is clear without an apostrophe, but that's just me, and that's not possible with every lower-case abbreviation.

Still, that tiny exception seems to be the downfall of so many people who have no idea what is and is not an abbreviation. I'll grant you that semi is an abbreviated version of semitrailer or semifinal, but because it is so widely used, it has become its own word. Besides that, one doesn't say, "I saw an s - e - m - i yesterday," so it in no way qualifies for the above exception.

And yet we have this: