Just don't ask us to proofread them.

I have to admit, though: it's a good-looking sign.  You know, except for the glaring misuse of an apostrophe.

Mistake's Using Apostrophe's

Why?  Why do so many people think that adding an s automatically requires the addition of an apostrophe?  It just doesn't make sense.  Plurality and possession are fairly basic writing skills to master.  Still, adding apostrophes to words that are intended to be merely plural seems to be a tremendously widespread problem.

Expert's only what?  What does the expert own only one of?  Possibly an exclamation point.  And that's it, right there: the expert's only exclamation point.  Definitely worthy of a permanent sign, don't you think?  And a lovely sign, too: complete with some simple graphics and a little graffiti.  Nice.

 

I won't go into the superfluous use of quotation marks, but apparently the margarita here has $1,99 Mon to Thurs (or some other days).  But only with your dinner (or something rather unlike a dinner).  To be fair, I'm fairly certain that the writer of this sign may not speak English as a first language.

Orange peel aroma's what?  Aroma?  And it is equally enjoyable on it is own.  Yeeaahhhhh.  And don't get me started on the lack of a terminal comma and the weird sentence fragment that lacks parallel structure.

I'm guessing that the sign writer couldn't recall the spelling rule for changing y to ie when adding s, so he or she just added an apostrophe.  Of course, maybe the writer just doesn't know how to pluralize anything: product wasn't pluralized at all.  Not even incorrectly.

A: At 5 Months or on These Signs

Q: Where should you avoid contractions?

There's so much wrong with this billboard that I hesitate to stop at the grammar, but I will. I do have to ask, though: Did Texas officials consider following their state tourism endorsement with, "Now tell your husband to get hi's eyes back on the road"?  Because that contraction makes just as much sense.

I love this one: a classic case of forgetting what a contraction stands for.  There are so many reasons to have lettering more than eight inches tall looked over by a professional; this is one of them.

Apparently when Tampa hosted the Super Bowl, this sign went up to encourage football enthusiasts to explore the rest of Tampa. The mayor told the offenders to take it down or fix it.  They chose to simply remove the offending contraction and insert ellipses instead.  Works for me.

A: At 9 Months or on These Signs

Q: Where do you really want contractions?

This beauty appears to be one of those lovely and hard-to-vandalize/correct carved plastic numbers.  It is apparently hung prominently in a pizza place near Niagara Falls.  I hope it's on the Canadian side. (Sorry, Canada; I'm rooting for the literacy of my own country.)

This one was on a store somewhere on the east coast as Hurricane Isabel approached. Since I know it was almost certainly made by a U.S. citizen and I can't just blame Canada, at least I can take comfort in the fact that the sign might have been destroyed by high winds.

I'm kidding, obviously.  Well, sort of.  I'm comforted in knowing that the sign eventually came down in one way or another. 

And I hope it was because someone took it down.

Apostrophe Apocalypse

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to type the word apocalypse?  I do.  Apostrophe is no walk in the park, either, I'll have you know.

Today's offenders are abusers of the apostrophe.  I've said this before in my column, but I simply cannot come to terms with how many people want to use -- and do use -- apostrophes in plurals that show no possession.  Honestly, I just don't get it.

Let's take a look at this first example, shall we?

You see? The person typing up this flyer was so confused that he or she just decided to go with the 50-50 split: "Well, I'm not sure whether or not I need these up-high comma doohickeys, so I'll just put one up here on WEDNESDAYS and one down here on Margaritas. That way, I'll have it right at least half of the time.  Yeah, that's the way to go.  At least then I won't look like I don't know what I'm doing."

Okay, so this person probably knew they are apostrophes and not flying commas, but seriously.  Remind me not to hit the OTB with this person.  I'm thinking he or she would put money on every horse in the race.  You know, just in case.

Moving right along, here's another sparkling example of the best of intentions gone grammatically awry.  I have to hand it to these folks, though: at least they had the courage to use the apostrophes incorrectly every time.

Now, just so that we're clear, an apostrophe with a non-possessive plural is very occassionally permitted.  If you have an abbreviation that uses lower-case letters each spoken individually such as tv, it is acceptable to use an apostrophe to avoid confusion.  I prefer to capitalize TV so that the plural TVs is clear without an apostrophe, but that's just me, and that's not possible with every lower-case abbreviation.

Still, that tiny exception seems to be the downfall of so many people who have no idea what is and is not an abbreviation. I'll grant you that semi is an abbreviated version of semitrailer or semifinal, but because it is so widely used, it has become its own word.  Besides that, one doesn't say, "I saw an s - e - m - i yesterday," so it in no way qualifies for the above exception.

And yet we have this:

I realize that the photo doesn't show the whole sign, but it's not a possessive.  Clearly confused, the same company has a sign at the other entrance:

Hmmmm.  No apostrophe.  All caps.  Well, all except for the lower-case s.  *sigh*