Misanthropes from Injury

I write for a few local newspapers, and I have been known to include typos in my work.  Not intentionally, mind you, as if to discover whether or not my editors are actually doing their jobs, but because I find editing my own work really difficult.  I know what it's supposed to say, so my brain often tricks me into thinking things are correct even when they aren't.

Apparently, I am not the only person with this problem:

I'm not going to comment on the random capitalization (I know it's the beginning of each line and that's not exactly random, but it's pretty random in terms of rules for capitalization).  Instead, I would like to focus on the line that reads, "To avoid others from injury!"

My response to this line is, "Huh?"

Is Injury the city in which the Fitness Centre is located, and because it wasn't the first word in the line, it just didn't get that much-deserved capital I?  And how will putting away my weights after I use them save me from coming into contact with other people from what apparently would have to be my hometown?  And is everyone who uses the Fitness Centre such a complete misanthrope that directions for avoiding others is desirable?

Avoiding conflict

You can always tell if a store owner has gotten fed up with a particular issue or complaint when he or she puts up a sign to deal with it.  Think about the signs at grocery stores and other places that sell cigarettes and beer: "We ID Under XX" implies that if you are under XX, you need to have your ID ready or put the beer and smokes back.   "We do not sell firewood," really says, "Please stop asking for firewood."  "Donated items only" indicates that the food bank people are tired of sorting the garbage out of the food collection bin.

Of course, sometimes a sign made for such a reason gives an unintended message.

Such as, "I'm a jerk." 

And apparently a jerk without much background in the difference between to and too.

Correcting errors

It's one thing to make a mistake in a sign and not realize it.  It's another thing entirely to realize it and try to correct it.

The error practically disappears, doesn't it?

This lovely specimen is from www.thereifixedit.com.  If' you enjoy a good laugh at incredibly misguided, unskilled, and creative do-it-yourselfers, you'll enjoy the blog. 

Grammatical revelation

I'm a fan of witty church signs.  You know, the ones that say things like, "A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing," or, "Don't give up; Moses was once a basket case," or, "Soul food served here."  I know they're cheesy, and I know not everyone appreciates them, but I enjoy them.

Of course, screw it up, and the message may not say what is intended:

Nothing, that is, except homophones.

Not just an option

End punctuation.  It's so final.  And for those who have completion anxieties, it's probably just too scary to use it.  I'm guessing the person who typeset this sign had such a complex:

It would be one thing if there were no periods at all on the sign.  Then one could assume that punctuation in general just doesn't work well on this type of sign or with the equipment used to make the sign.  But that's not the case.  In fact, one could argue that the punctuation following 13th, 17th, 18th, and 21st is superfluous (or at least inappropriate; except for the last one, they could be commas).  In fact, if the typesetter had just used those periods after the sentences, there would have been exactly enough to appropriately punctuate them all.

That brings us to another little issue: fragments.  The first two "sentences" are not actually complete.  They're fragments.  The next two, though, are complete sentences.  I guess I'm just wondering, with all that blank space at the bottom of the sign, why the first two phrases couldn't have been made complete sentences?  Or if space really was an issue, why the two complete sentences weren't reworded more concisely in order to make space for all sentences to be complete?  With periods.

Of course, there's no year provided on this historical marker, either, so apparently several necessities were deemed optional.

And what's up with the assault on the Peach Orchard?  Why was the slaughter of innocent peach trees necessary?  Unless they referred to the Union troops as "Peach Orchard."  Now, I'm no military person, but I'm thinking you'd want the code name for the enemy's troops to be both easier to say and less, um, I don't know, cheerful sounding.

Maybe that's just me.

Martha should be outraged!

Outraged that two errors would appear in advertisements in her fine, fine publication, Martha Stewart Living.  Typos in publications are relatively common; I can usually find one or two in any publication.  Living is an exception, though.  I'm hard-pressed to find a typo or grammatical error in a whole year of issues.  I like to think that it's because Martha is so detail oriented.

Apparently, though, if I want errors in Martha's publication, I need to look in the less expensive advertising in the very back.

First up, baths for sale:

Yes, folks, for just under ten bucks, you can purchase a bath from a magazine ad.  Martha herself takes these ten-dollar baths, and she loves them.  She recommends the FREE* monogramming, too.  Only Martha could find a way to monogram an action such as bathing.

I'm fairly certain that these ads are priced based on dimensions, not word count, and I don't know about you, but I see quite a bit of empty space in this ad for one additional word of clarification.

And what's up with all the asterisks?  Really?  Is the deal so shady that everything needs legal fine print?

Disturbed by the lack of proofreading or copywriting skill, I turned the page to find this beauty (and please excuse the fuzzy pictures; I'm a grammarian, not a photographer):

I know you don't see a problem with this ad; the photo is too out of focus to read it.  The issue is in the second paragraph, and it's one that most people would overlook, anyhow:

That last line ends with, "for those that just love to cook."

Apparently GelPro mats are designed for non-humans that love to cook.  If they were talking about people with an affinity for cooking, they surely would have used who instead of that.  And I don't know if you've priced out GelPro mats, but I have (because I do love to cook, and my kitchen floor is tile), and I'm guessing that my dog can't afford one.

She's a lousy cook, anyhow.