It's a special day! Every day!

I suppose, technically, this photo doesn't have a truly grammatical error in it.  But I'm of the opinion that if you are going to have a day to celebrate something, it should be one day, and not a whole month:

I'm really glad that McDonald's has decided to honor their employees with a day of appreciation.  It would just be nice if we knew when they are doing that. 

"National People Day" (the lamest employee appreciation day name I've ever heard, by the way) would indicate that there is one day to celebrate the hard-working crew at MickeyD's.  September, however, is a month, not a day.  Nowhere in the fine print is there a single day outlined. 

So why isn't it National People Month?  Or why didn't they choose a single day?  And--possibly most importantly--what are they doing to recognize the crew?  Because I wouldn't feel very honored by a strangely ambiguous sign placed on tables that customers won't even see until after I've placed their orders.

I'm not saying; I'm just saying.

Mumms the word?

When did doubling the end consonant before adding an s become acceptable?

There is a rule for doubling the vowel at the end of a word when adding an ending.  It seems like a complicated rule (double the final consonant if it is a single consonant preceded by a single vowel and the ending you're adding begins in a vowel), and if you don't know it or remember it intuitively from years of spelling in elementary school, using a spell-checking program is a good idea for you.

It seems to me that Meijer sign makers would have a spell checker at their disposal.  Especially since this sign was obviously typed on some sort of computer.

Martha should be outraged!

Outraged that two errors would appear in advertisements in her fine, fine publication, Martha Stewart Living.  Typos in publications are relatively common; I can usually find one or two in any publication.  Living is an exception, though.  I'm hard-pressed to find a typo or grammatical error in a whole year of issues.  I like to think that it's because Martha is so detail oriented.

Apparently, though, if I want errors in Martha's publication, I need to look in the less expensive advertising in the very back.

First up, baths for sale:

Yes, folks, for just under ten bucks, you can purchase a bath from a magazine ad.  Martha herself takes these ten-dollar baths, and she loves them.  She recommends the FREE* monogramming, too.  Only Martha could find a way to monogram an action such as bathing.

I'm fairly certain that these ads are priced based on dimensions, not word count, and I don't know about you, but I see quite a bit of empty space in this ad for one additional word of clarification.

And what's up with all the asterisks?  Really?  Is the deal so shady that everything needs legal fine print?

Disturbed by the lack of proofreading or copywriting skill, I turned the page to find this beauty (and please excuse the fuzzy pictures; I'm a grammarian, not a photographer):

I know you don't see a problem with this ad; the photo is too out of focus to read it.  The issue is in the second paragraph, and it's one that most people would overlook, anyhow:

That last line ends with, "for those that just love to cook."

Apparently GelPro mats are designed for non-humans that love to cook.  If they were talking about people with an affinity for cooking, they surely would have used who instead of that.  And I don't know if you've priced out GelPro mats, but I have (because I do love to cook, and my kitchen floor is tile), and I'm guessing that my dog can't afford one.

She's a lousy cook, anyhow.

Spelling Lessons from Lorena Bobbitt

The sign was supposed to read, "Fresh Cut Peonies."

Alternate title:

     "Who Knew They Were So Cheap?"

    

This beauty was a viral internet sensation a few years back (note the date on the photo), but it's a good example of why it's important to have someone take a look at your writing before making it public.  It's also a good example of why paying serious attention in spelling class is important.  And recognizing that being a bad speller isn't the end of the world, but it does require that you ask for help now and then.

Remember, folks, even if the poor employee who put up this tragic marquee had had access to spell-check, penis would not have been flagged since it is, in fact, a real word.

For anyone who might be thinking that I'm overlooking another error, I'm not.  The adjective fresh would modify peonies, not cut.  We're not talking about a florist whose manner of cutting flowers is too forward.  And in this case, of course, fresh modifies penis, which would mean the insertion of the adverb freshly  would make the sign even more suggestive--if you can imagine--than it already is.

In addition, fresh is essential to the way the sign is (incorrectly) written. I mean, who would want a stale cut penis? 

A: At 5 Months or on These Signs

Q: Where should you avoid contractions?

There's so much wrong with this billboard that I hesitate to stop at the grammar, but I will. I do have to ask, though: Did Texas officials consider following their state tourism endorsement with, "Now tell your husband to get hi's eyes back on the road"?  Because that contraction makes just as much sense.

I love this one: a classic case of forgetting what a contraction stands for.  There are so many reasons to have lettering more than eight inches tall looked over by a professional; this is one of them.

Apparently when Tampa hosted the Super Bowl, this sign went up to encourage football enthusiasts to explore the rest of Tampa. The mayor told the offenders to take it down or fix it.  They chose to simply remove the offending contraction and insert ellipses instead.  Works for me.

A: At 9 Months or on These Signs

Q: Where do you really want contractions?

This beauty appears to be one of those lovely and hard-to-vandalize/correct carved plastic numbers.  It is apparently hung prominently in a pizza place near Niagara Falls.  I hope it's on the Canadian side. (Sorry, Canada; I'm rooting for the literacy of my own country.)

This one was on a store somewhere on the east coast as Hurricane Isabel approached. Since I know it was almost certainly made by a U.S. citizen and I can't just blame Canada, at least I can take comfort in the fact that the sign might have been destroyed by high winds.

I'm kidding, obviously.  Well, sort of.  I'm comforted in knowing that the sign eventually came down in one way or another. 

And I hope it was because someone took it down.

Apostrophe Apocalypse

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to type the word apocalypse?  I do.  Apostrophe is no walk in the park, either, I'll have you know.

Today's offenders are abusers of the apostrophe.  I've said this before in my column, but I simply cannot come to terms with how many people want to use -- and do use -- apostrophes in plurals that show no possession.  Honestly, I just don't get it.

Let's take a look at this first example, shall we?

You see? The person typing up this flyer was so confused that he or she just decided to go with the 50-50 split: "Well, I'm not sure whether or not I need these up-high comma doohickeys, so I'll just put one up here on WEDNESDAYS and one down here on Margaritas. That way, I'll have it right at least half of the time.  Yeah, that's the way to go.  At least then I won't look like I don't know what I'm doing."

Okay, so this person probably knew they are apostrophes and not flying commas, but seriously.  Remind me not to hit the OTB with this person.  I'm thinking he or she would put money on every horse in the race.  You know, just in case.

Moving right along, here's another sparkling example of the best of intentions gone grammatically awry.  I have to hand it to these folks, though: at least they had the courage to use the apostrophes incorrectly every time.

Now, just so that we're clear, an apostrophe with a non-possessive plural is very occassionally permitted.  If you have an abbreviation that uses lower-case letters each spoken individually such as tv, it is acceptable to use an apostrophe to avoid confusion.  I prefer to capitalize TV so that the plural TVs is clear without an apostrophe, but that's just me, and that's not possible with every lower-case abbreviation.

Still, that tiny exception seems to be the downfall of so many people who have no idea what is and is not an abbreviation. I'll grant you that semi is an abbreviated version of semitrailer or semifinal, but because it is so widely used, it has become its own word.  Besides that, one doesn't say, "I saw an s - e - m - i yesterday," so it in no way qualifies for the above exception.

And yet we have this:

I realize that the photo doesn't show the whole sign, but it's not a possessive.  Clearly confused, the same company has a sign at the other entrance:

Hmmmm.  No apostrophe.  All caps.  Well, all except for the lower-case s.  *sigh*